For the last two days, I have been writing my final reports for the Canadian Concerto Project. I won 2 grants that collectively covered about half of the cost of this project. The FACTOR grant is actually a loan though the repayment terms are very generous; as a result, the final report is more like a thorough audit that checks every detail to make sure we actually did the recording under the terms discussed. By contrast, the Ontario Arts Council final report is more general yet also requires lucidity when reporting the numbers and facts.
I don't resent doing this work but it is very hard for me and takes longer than it should! Last night I worked until 3 a.m. then, for some reason, decided it was time to wash the dishes. My roommate sent a text-shriek that silenced my displaced need for order, so I went to bed for a couple hours, then was up at 7 a.m. for meetings at the university before delivering the bundle of receipts and pages to the glittering new FACTOR offices on Spadina.
Yet it occurs to me that it would have simplified my work enormously if I had the courage to look at the final report forms before I started the project. All kinds of reasons held me back, but really, it is right up there with knowing what your goals are. If you understand your goals, then it is a matter of filling the steps in between your present situation and the future destination. I know that I resemble many musicians in that we are single-minded and cannot think beyond the current musical/reed challenge. But to thrive, we have to. Even though I was working for years to raise the money for this project, it actually happened. I could have trusted the process more and prepped for the final accounting with more assurance.
As hard as it is, it is easier than it seems. Oh, but I am tired now!