Altered States

I have been walking in a mild daze since my Mom’s death.  Yet there have been so many moments of kindness from all of my friends and from her friends, and from new friends.  And as I settle her affairs, I am helped every step of the way by her incredible, careful attention to detail.  Small notes everywhere answer questions and all of her affairs are in order.  I feel her presence at all times, as I go up north to take care of her stuff, when I played the concerto concert last week with Guy, in everything that I do.

Now, just as spring has come to this part of the world, my old Dad is starting 7 weeks of radiation treatments.   He is both frail and strong, completely willing to take the time, face the challenge and to take a shot at staying longer on this beautiful Earth.  He always reminds me to dig in and enjoy every second while I can.

My students have been very patient and we are getting ready for their recitals and juries.  Concerts and recordings are coming up and I feel like I have been on a long journey and am starting to accept that "normal" means "ever changing".  It is good to be home.

Call Your Mother

My dear small Mom died on Saturday night, sometime between 4:00 and 5:00 a.m.. in Toronto General Hospital.  My Dad and I still feel that it was too soon and somehow wrong, despite the fact that she was 85 years old with advanced breast cancer and a weak heart.  She was so full of fire and life... full of love for me despite any disagreements that we may have had, full of fervour for the political causes that she believed in.  I did not get to see her during that last week.  We will have a private ceremony when she is cremated this Thursday, then celebrations for friends and family in the spring.  I now am getting ready for the concerti this weekend, then will try to look after my old Dad up north as he heads into his own cancer battle.  If I could go back in time, I would have asked if I could hook up Mom's phone, or if I could visit between the hours of midnight and 6:30 a.m... I would have pushed a bit harder to keep my Mom company at the end though we did not know the end was coming.

There are incredible tributes coming from her network of politically active friends.  I am piecing together a memorial website.  My friends are helping with direct honest loving guidance.

Call you Mom.  Call your Dad. If you can.  Life is wonderful and just a bit hard sometimes.